


Follow your Fire

by Agent0069



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fashion Designer Magnus, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Singer Alec, Slow Burn, Wedding Planning, breakup angst, dont worry theres happy stuff on the way, not malec(yet), past lovers to enemies, they have stuff to discuss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:47:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25879918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agent0069/pseuds/Agent0069
Summary: Magnus is the chief editor of the #1 fashion magazine, Pandemonium. Alec is a world-famous singer. It might not look it but they have a past, an unresolved one. what once was a bond of love has now been replaced by anger, hurt, resentment and pain.what happens when they are thrown back into each other's lives one fateful day, five years later? Will they choose to bear the pain of the years or...JUST FUCKING TALK IT OUT! but it's difficult to just talk it out when there's more than just time separating them.
Relationships: Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Simon Lewis/Isabelle Lightwood
Comments: 61
Kudos: 113





	1. Five years later....

**Author's Note:**

> I promise it's not all angst, I can't live with just angst either.
> 
> Flashbacks are marked by italics and centre alignment.  
> Song lyrics are in italics and have '||' on either side.
> 
> I've tried my best to make the non linear structure as easily comprehendible as possible.
> 
> rating will go up to explicit later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song in this is saving grace by kodaline

If not for Madzie’s enthusiasm, Magnus would have regretted ever saying yes to Catarina. He was stuck at the office, dotting the I’s and crossing the t’s of the final draft of his fashion magazine, Pandemonium, which was to be released two days later.

Magnus was the Chief editor of the #1 fashion magazine, and understandably he didn’t get much leisure time. There was always some issue with the colours clashing with the page layout or a problem with a too symmetrical styling, or not giving enough representation, or...point is- he is always busy. And taking a personal day off, that too on the day their monthly issue goes for printing was the reason he was sitting surrounded by towers of coffee mugs and the final draft at 2 am before it goes for printing first thing in the morning.

When Catarina had called in the morning he expected her to accept dinner next weekend, but instead, she asked if Magnus could accompany Madzie to some singer’s meet and greet tomorrow. Apparently, her friend had ditched her at the last minute and the tickets had already been bought, just as Magnus began to say how impossible it will be for him to leave work that day, Madzie had taken the phone from Cat and melted his resolve with her sweet innocent pleas. _You can't get everything, Magnus._

His phone pinged with a text.

[Cat] thank you for doing this.

[Magnus] you know I’ll do anything for Madzie.

[cat] you know that’s not what I mean, I know it's difficult for you to listen to music or worse yet, meet a singer

He’s been trying to forget that since the cat had called, the reason why he was working himself to the bone, he didn’t want a single text to send him spiralling down that hole.

[Magnus] don’t.

[Magnus] please.

[Cat] Magnus…

[Magnus] please cat, I’m taking Madzie to the meet, that’s it. There’s nothing more.

[Magnus] drop it.

[Cat] okay, go home. Madzie won’t like it if you fall asleep in the middle.

Magnus rolled his eyes, how very typical of Cat.

[Magnus] I’m going, bye

[Magnus] Good night

[Cat] good night.

Magnus rubbed his tired eyes as he shut his laptop, he hadn’t found any faults in the final draft yet, he’d just have to trust that the others had done their work well. Cat was right, he couldn't dwell on his past. It was _him_ who had ruined everything, who had dipped his life in acid and walked out of a dream, a promise.

Magnus shook his head, hoping to clear his jarring thoughts. He took a deep breath and said out loud, “It’s done now, no amount of regret is going to bring his lost future back, bring his alexander back.”

Silly him. You can’t quieten thoughts, they have a habit of rooting a thought deep in your brain, and this time they rooted on Alec. And so Magnus gave in.

He didn’t have the energy to do anything when he reached home and flopped down on the couch. No matter how desperately he wanted to sleep, his mind sought Alec, his only true love. His only true love- lost forever.

_“You don’t mean that.” Alec was on the verge of tears, “Tell me you don’t mean that.”_

_Magnus’s silence spoke miles, he swallowed thickly, “Alec-”_

_“No, ” Alec took a deep breath, steeling himself, and Magnus woefully realized that the man before him wasn’t his alexander, this was the shell of a man who wanted to protect himself and his emotions. Magnus hated it, hated that he had caused it, that Alec had to bring up his walls before him._

_He realised it a second too late, “Alec, no-”_

_“Be happy Magnus” No. “I’d say ‘don’t be a stranger’, but we both know you’d not like that”_

_“No, Alec please-” Alec had turned and left, not bothering to slam the door in anger, and that is what hurt more. Alec wasn’t angry at him, he was broken and that is something you can’t chase away with sorries._

Magnus groaned as he looked at his ceiling, hands reaching for his bottle of sleeping pills, it has been a while since he last slept without pills.

Okay, it wasn’t that bad, Magnus was sitting beside Madzie in a studio, along with 20 or so others. The chairs for audiences were arranged around small tables in a semicircle and in the centre was a single chair with a guitar beside it. It was a fairly impressive setting, Magnus wondered how famous the singer was as Madzie spoke a million words a minute in praise of the singer.

“You’ll love his songs, uncle Magnus!” Madzie concluded.

“I don’t really listen to songs, sweet pea”

“Yeah, mom said that too. But you should listen to his’, they’re so filled with emotions and-and soul...it feels like he’s writing them for someone who is no longer with him.”

 _All the more reason to avoid them,_ Magnus thought, last thing he needs is to feel his heart break over Alec all over again.

The room buzzed with excitement as the clock drew close to 1. Murmurs of ‘I can't believe it!’ ‘oh man, when is he going to come?!’, Madzie was typing away at her phone to some friend so Magnus too started to check his feed on Instagram without fearing he’d be _that_ guy who is always on his phone.

Magnus felt a shift in the air, he looked up and saw someone open the door to the studio and enter. Everyone had their eyes trained at the figure as he approached the chair in the centre, smiling and answering many hello’s. But Magnus, Magnus couldn’t breathe. Madzie shook his arm, her smiling face inviting him to do the same, but how can he when he was crumbling as his world zeroed down on the face of Alec Lightwood before him.

Magnus gave Madzie a shaky smile and turned to look at Alec who was talking to a staff member. Alec nodded his head in agreement then turned back to them and sat down.

“Hello everyone, I’m so glad to be doing this,” Alec said with an easy grace.

The room filled with hellos and soft smiles and unbound excitement.

“So why don’t we introduce ourselves first?” Alec combed his hair back with his fingers, _just like he used to,_ Magnus thought with a pang in his chest.

“I’ll go first”, Alec said to a laughing crowd. “What? It could turn out some of you don't know me. So, Hi. I’m Alec Lightwood.”

“Hi, I’m Diana”

“Tracey”

“Hi am... Something... something…” Let’s say Magnus isn't very good with names.

“How very highschool of us,” Alec quipped.

Alec’s eyes finally flicked to Magnus when they came to him, all hints of smiles and laugh left, recognition and hurt? Painting his face. Magnus counted himself lucky to still be able to read Alec's face where someone else would only see a blank expression.

“Magnus Bane”, Magnus whispered quietly after a bit. Alec’s expressions morphed back to a jovial one as he moved to Madzie. Luckily what Magnus felt was an hour of starting, was merely a second, easily unnoticed.

Magnus’s eyes drank Alec in, tracing every feature, every gesture. Alec had more tattoos now, the one at the side of his neck was easily becoming his favourite. He drowned in every word Alec spoke, after so long, it ached how long he had gone without listening to his voice. Magnus had for so long tried to forget Alec, the bond they had, his aspirations of becoming a singer that he had stopped listening to songs altogether. Maybe too fate longed for them to meet again.

A particular question caught his attention. “There’s a very distinct line which separates your songs before and after you gathered fame, is there a reason for that?”

Alec hummed, “you, know that saying? ‘You have to get lost to find yourself’. You have to feel an array of emotions before writing them. When I was on the path to becoming a singer, barely 21 years old, my head filled with ideas about love...you see I thought I knew what it felt like, how _love_ felt like. It was only later when I felt pain, the type that consumes you, makes you doubt every single thing you’ve ever done...did I understand. And that is when I felt- when I wrote.”

Alec was looking at Magnus now as if staring into his soul, daring him to say anything. “So I’m thankful in a way to what caused me that pain, I wouldn’t be here if not for them.”

Magnus closed his burning eyes. _Too much_ , after their breakup Magnus had closed off, choosing to ignore and forget everything that made him feel, and now after 5 years, here he was- standing bare in front of the only person capable of making him feel anything. It was too much.

All the questions blurred together for Magnus, as did the answers. As their time drew to a close, someone requested Alec for a song.

Magnus gave his undivided attention to alec. He had picked up his guitar, Magnus noticed he still used the old pick, one he had gifted him a lifetime ago. “Okay so before moving on to the song, I’ve got a gift, I’ll be providing you all VIP tickets to the last concert of my tour.”

The room cheered and yayyed and Alec laughed and answered some stray questions, “yes, it’s in 3 days. You can find all the necessary information is on my page, don't worry.

“Now, this is one song I wrote for someone when I was younger. We never really got around to making it public so this is literally the first time I'm singing it in front of a crowd. It's titled saving grace.”

Magnus took a sharp breath, how can Alec still have so much power over him? He remembers the song very well. Magnus had lost his mother that day, leaving a fifteen-year-old alone to fend off the cruel world with not a penny to his name. Magnus had all but quit his desires to pursue fashion designing and take up a blue-collar job to keep himself alive.

_“Magnus?” a hand touched him on the shoulders, breaking him out of his reverie. “Do you want to be left alone?”_

_“I never mind your company, Alexander”, Magnus looked up at him, his face marked with long dried tear tracks._

_“Don’t do it. Don't throw away your dream.”_

_“Easy for you to say...Wha-what will I even do?”_

_Alec pulled Magnus in a hug, wrapped Magnus tightly and whispered, “move in with us, study fashion then become a fashion designer.”_

_A wet chuckle left Magnus’s throat, “I can’t do that, that’s too-”_

_“Don't you dare finish that sentence. We are family, hell! my mom asks me every day if you’d join for dinner. Let’s just make it official.”_

_Magnus didn’t speak for long, he knew they were like family but he didn’t expect so much... “Are you sure?”_

_“Like you even have to ask. I even wrote you something.” Alec gave him a nervous smile and pulled out a folded. Magnus could only see the words ‘saving grace’ on the paper._

_Alec licked his lips, “I wrote it last night after you left the house, I- I wanted- I know Anna meant a lot to you and that nothing could ease the pain of losing your mother, but I wanted to be there for you so I wrote a song for you.”_

_Magnus sniffed and wiped a tear that had escaped his eyes as Alec to sang._

Magnus sat rooted on his chair as Alec's long-forgotten voice filtered through his memories, just as melodious and full of emotions as he remembers. Alec lifted his eyes from his guitar as he started playing.

_|| When you're out in the open. And you're tired of hoping_

_I'll be there in a moment. I'll be by your side ||_

Tears pricked at Magnus’s eyes, his heart aching at the contrasting parallels. The song that had once provided him comfort and hope now presented him with the ghost of a promise.

_|| When you're scared and you're lonely. When there's no one to hold you_

_I just want you to know that. I'll be by your side ||_

Magnus closed his eyes, basking in Alec’s voice. He had regretted every second of what had happened that night, the night of their anniversary.

_|| You keep me strong when I can't carry on. ||_

Magnus opened his eyes to find Alec staring straight at him. Magnus swallowed as he mouthed the chorus with him.

_|| When you lose your feet, fall down to your knees and your heart's about to break_

_I will be your saving grace_

_When your eyes can't see, take my eyes from me_

_When you're lost and losing faith. I will be your saving grace ||_

Magnus watched the conflicting emotions on Alec’s face when he saw him mouthing the lyrics, did Alec really think he’d moved on? That he didn’t find Alec in every single thing he did in the past 5 years? Had he really broken his Alexander’s heart so badly that he believed he’d never loved him? Guilt clawed at his heart. _What have you done Magnus, you broke the only person that mattered the most._

After the song, everyone formed a single file to meet Alec personally and click photos with him. Magnus hung in the back along with Madzie, he could only hope to speak to Alec... But what would he say? What _can_ he say?

They were the last ones left in the room when their turn came. Madzie was so excited that she chose to ignore the thick tension in the room. Alec greeted her with a big smile.

“Hello there!”

“Hey! I can't believe I’m meeting you” she was bouncing on the balls of her feet, Magnus smiled at her. Madzie took full advantage of being the last in the line, she fired questions after questions and Alec seemed to take them in stride. Magnus stood a bit behind, watching Alec interact with Madzie filled his heart with warmth.

A flash of _something_ crossed Alec’s face when Madzie called him ‘uncle Magnus’, did Alec think Madzie was his daughter?

“Hello,” Alec said, his voice perfectly nonchalant.

“Hello to you too, you’re an amazing singer, it was nice to meet you, Alexander.”

"It's Alec" his voice was icy cold, stabbing him where it hurt the most. But it's true, this is no longer his Alexander, no longer the boy he fell in love with, the man he wanted to spend his life with. This is Alec, the man who ran cold with anger, resentment and heartbreak, who will never hear his full name without the memories choking him, memories of _him_ choking him.

Magnus swallowed his pain away, he had no one to blame but himself and his stupidity, he composed himself and said with a voice devoid of any emotion, “It was nice meeting you, Alec.”


	2. Forever?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise i'll include more content from next time.

Loud noise thrummed against his skull as Alec made his way across the dance floor to the VIP lounge. Just as the meet had ended, Izzy had called him up and called him and told him to “Bring his grumpy ass to the club.” Which was for good, he presumed, it gave him less time to mull over what had happened today.

To say Alec was shocked at seeing Magnus today at the meet was an understatement. For quite a while Alec had hoped that Magnus would reach out, apologize, and make amends. He had fantasised about it far too often, but after 3 years of silence, Alec had accepted that Magnus had moved on, that he _had_ meant those words no matter how much Alec tried defended his lover and hoping and dreaming was only his way to stall and deny the fact that he too should move on.

His latest album was dedicated to Magnus, a final goodbye to the man who will forever have his heart despite everything, it was _him_ finally accepting what he should have years ago.

And then he found Magnus in the unlikeliest of places. In a meet and greet, in _his_ meet and greet! With a girl whom he had assumed was his daughter, but the fact that she _wasn’t_ his daughter...didn’t really make it any better. In fact, it made him think and hope for something his brain knew was no longer possible.

Alec hummed the tune of his favourite song of the new album as he made his way to the bar. He needed, scratch that, he _deserved_ a drink after the day he had had.

“Hey, Alec!” The barman, Tim, greeted him.

Alec flashed him a grin before taking a seat, “Give me something strong, Tim”

“Rough day?”

“That’s an understatement for sure.” He chuckled.

Tim gave him a sympathetic smile and poured him his drink.

Alec sat in the quiet, nursing his whiskey- _Magnus hadn’t expected to see you there,_ his brain so not helpfully supplied, _then what was he doing there?_

“Alec!” A hard slap on his shoulder pulled him to the present.

“Jace!” Alec had a large smile as he got up to hug Jace. He’d been on tour for six months, it was his life now, but six months were far too long to be away from his siblings. He had only met them once in those 6 months when the team had stayed in Paris for 7 days, That was also why he didn’t really blame Izzy and Simon for being so late. Simon was his manager and he accompanied Alec on his tours, the poor soul was seeing his girlfriend, Izzy, after months and Alec didn't even want to think about what they must be getting up to...

They got their drinks and went to their booth. “So when’s the last show?” Clary asked. “I lost track of everything.”

“After 3 days,” Jace said. “Don't get me started on how happy Izzy was at the prospect of spending time with Simon.”

“Speaking of which, where are they? Izzy texted me first thing after I left, and specifically told _me_ to not be late.” Alec grumbled, “I'm never late!”

Alec squinted at Clary who was holding in a smirk. _She knew something,_ Alec was sure. He was just about to ask her when a loud voice stopped him.

“Big brother!” Izzy collapsed into him, hugging him tightly. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Alec smiled, “yeah. I’ve missed you too Izzy.”

“So why did you call us here?” Alec asked, shifting over to make space for her and Simon.

Izzy smiled wide, her eyes dancing with mirth as he showed everyone her left hand which had a new ring..oh….OH. “Simon asked me to marry him!”

“OH MY GOD!” Alec and Jace shouted together and moved to hug them both.

“Today?”

“Yes! Just after he came back from the greet!” Izzy had a dreamy look on her face, it suited her well.

“And Clary already knew about it?” Alec asked.

“Well duh. I’m Simon’s breast friend, did you expect something else?”

“How did _you_ know that Clary knew?! I’m her boyfriend and I didn’t know!” Jace gaped at him.

“How did you _not_ know it! I could see she was bursting to say something since she arrived, seriously clary? What do you even see in Jace?”

“Hey!” Jace pouted as the others laughed.

“There there, darling.” Clary cooed, patting Jace's arm as he snuggled into her side which had everyone laughing.

“So, when is the wedding?” Alec moved his attention to Izzy.

“We're thinking next month? In Gramps' house by the lake?”

House by the lake? Oh no, he can't go there. There’s a reason gramps didn’t allow anyone to take the house...but he can't do that to Izzy, he can't say that they can't marry there just because _he_ has painful memories of that place. Alec slowly nodded his head, “nice location, that’s-”

“So soon?” Clary cut him off, “There’s so much to do!”

“Don’t worry, I’ll talk to Raphael about the arrangements and decorations,” her eyes flicked to Alec, “and Magnus will take care of the dress.”

Of course, how did he not see that coming, Izzy and Magnus were best friends! Shit, the idea of being in _that_ place _with_ Magnus already had him sweating-

“We have to start planning from tomorrow itself! I'm so excited!” Clary clapped her hands together.

Okay, he needs a drink. “First round’s on me!” Alec got up to get to the bar and Izzy came with him. Once they were out of earshot of others Izzy rounded up on him, “What has happened?”

“Nothing, why do you ask?”

Alec raised two fingers to Tim, “Shots. Vodka, and keep my tab open.”

He turned around to meet Izzy’s raised eyebrow. “This is enough to tell me something is wrong. You don't even like vodka!”

“I thought it was you who said that you don't drink for the taste, you drink for the after-effects.”

“And my question is why is my brother seeking the after-effects?”

“Okay, I walked into that one.” Alec pressed his lips together.

“Alec, something is bothering you. It’s okay if you don't want to tell me the reason, just don't lie to me.”

Alec was quiet for a while, what can he really say? He downed one of the shots in front of him, feeling the burning in this throat before replying. “I met Mangus today.”

He was met with silence so he continued. “At the meet.”

“How did it go?”

“How do you think it went? I don't know who was more surprised to see the other there…”

“Why was he surprised?”

Alec shrugged, he’d wondered that too. “He looked lile he wanted to be anywhere but there..I-I sang the saving grace…” Alec looked at her, his eyes burning with tears he didn’t want to shed “he was mouthing the lyrics with me...he remembers them Izzy, and I don't know what to do with that information”

“You didn't even tell me what had happened, neither did Magnus. It’s been five years too long Alec, we all just manoeuvre around you two as if nothing had happened and don’t bring the other up. You need to talk to him.”

“Why should it be _me?_ Why don't you give the same advice to him?”

“Do you think I haven't? He’s my best friend and my wedding is in a month, I don't want my man of honour and brother fighting at my wedding. You needed a push to talk, right? This is it.”

“Izzy-”

Tim placed their drinks in front of them. “Whatever it is, I doubt talking wouldn’t solve it. Come on, we’ll talk about it later.”

Alec wasn't sure if he was grateful for the conversation to have ended there or not. He had tons of reasons why he shouldn't be the one to go and talk first, but he couldn't tell Izzy about them, he didn’t want _this_ to come between her friendship with Magnus..

_Alec was giddy, it was his and Magnus’s sixth Anniversary and he was more than prepared for it. Magnus had been terribly busy for the past few months, so Alec had decided to take it upon himself to organise the events for the day._

_Magnus got off work at 5 and would reach the cottage before 6. Alec had set up a candlelit dinner at his gramps lake house who was more than happy to give it to him for the night..and if things go according to his plans, forever._

_It was nearing 6, Alec took a deep breath to calm himself and went to get their dinner from the oven, he had left that for the last, lest the food gets cold. After assessing the laid dinner table he nodded to himself; yes it was as good as it could get, Alec, stop doubting yourself, brain tried to soothe him._

_As the clock struck 6, he lit the candle at the table and pocketed the small velvet box he had spent hours deciding the contents of. Magnus would be coming any minute now. Alec swept a gaze over the decorations, he had decorated the deck which overlooked the lake with Amaryllis and candles and cradled in the middle was their table. Alec had taken special care to bring every dish Magnus loved and searched half the town for Magnus’s beloved Amaryllis for hours after the first florist had cancelled at the last minute. He wanted everything to be perfect._

_Alec looked at his phone, 6:30, Magnus should have been here, where was he!? Stopped the nervous tapping of his foot yet again. It’s fine, he told himself, Magnus had been under a lot of pressure lately, something must have come up._

_7:30. Alec had started to worry, Magnus wouldn’t be this late if there wasn’t something serious. It’s okay, he told himself as he put the now cold untouched food plates in the oven for later._

_9:30. It’s alright, he told himself for the millionth time as his phone screen bathed his face in blue, Magnus’s chat was open. His last messages stared up at him._

_[Alec 8:30] Magnus? Is something wrong?_

_[Alec 8:45] Are you alright at least?_

_[Alec 9:00] Magnus please, you’re scaring me_

_[Alec 9:10] Please tell me you’re safe_

_[Alec 9:15] Magnus, please reply to me_

_[Alec 9:30] Are you okay?_

_No reply. 13 missed calls. Something uneasy coiled at his stomach, Worst-case scenarios came unbidden to his mind, he didn't meet with an accident, did he? What if something had happened to him?_

_Alec watched the candles melt into residue wax. 10:00. Sitting here, thinking isn't doing any good. He found some od Magnus’s colleagues’ phone no.s from his backup contacts in google, they told him he had left the office around 7 with the boss. Well, maybe he had been delayed a bit...2 hours..._

_It was nearing 11 when Alec loosened his tie and sat on the deck, just a lone iridescent light bulb dimly let the surroundings. Alec knew Magnus was a busy person; a part of him defended Magnus, saying it’s okay, it's just a dinner on their anniversary, not their wedding, Magnus must have been really busy._

_The other part, however...screamed of how Magnus’s priorities had changed._

_Alec sat there on the deck, with only silence as his company as he stared at the ring nestled in the soft black velvet of the box. Magnus still loved him...right? And for the first time, in all the 14 years he had known and loved Magnus, he wasn’t sure._

_Alec quickly closed the box and shoved it into his pocket when he heard the sound of tires on gravel. Magnus had come. He got up, wiping at the moisture that had gathered in his eye. He needed the answer to the question he longer knew, and oh how it pained him to put on a fake smile to greet Magnus._

_“In here,” Alec called out and looked at his phone screen as he heard Magnus making his way to him, 11:58._

Alec was a little more than just tipsy when he reached home, and this time he thought of the time when Magnus had asked him to be his boyfriend, in the very same lake house they had gone their separate ways from. He ignored the part of his brain which said _you’ll regret it_ as he took out his phone and clicked on the bluebird of doom and wrote.

|| I remember you and me ||

|| Back when we were seventeen ||

And clicked on tweet.

****************

Magnus’s phone pinged with a notification. He had most of his notifications off, so whatever it was, he’d want it. He heaved a sigh as he got up to get it. _Twitter? He doesn't have the notifications on...except.. when he followed Alec today.._

And it indeed was Alec. Magnus had gone from completely ignoring his existence to stalking Alec on the social media platforms. _How pathetic._ He clicked to view his tweet.

Magnus closed his eyes when he read the tweet, a broken sob left his lips, he bit his lower lip. _Why? Why was Alec being this cruel?!_

Reading some of the comments on Alec’s tweet, Magnus got to know that these were the lines of the most listened to song of Alec’s new album. _Maybe he just wrote it to get the crowd stirring before the last performance of his current tour,_ and a part of him replied, _you think?_


	3. who knows? Maybe..

“Work. Keep working. WORK!” Mangus kept muttering under his breath as he entered his office. He had moped enough, he couldn't change what had happened _that_ night so he took a deep breath and sat on his far too comfortable chair.

Thankfully, he and Ragnor co-owned Pandemonium, so his day off didn't have him drowning in piles of work the next day. Magnus pulled out a copy of the issue to be released tomorrow and went through it, they had done a good job of it, maybe they do deserve a treat after release tomorrow.

But his work never ended, with a release, the next issue’s planning loomed over his head, so Magnus pulled out his notepad and started writing what he wanted for the summer issue- the most difficult season.

He was so engrossed with colour combinations and designs to look more into that he jumped when a knock sounded on his door.

“Come in,” Magnus said without looking up.

“Magnusss” a voice filled the room, he looked up to find a smiling Izzy.

“My darling Isabelle, what brings you here?”

Izzy with all her dramatics gasped and placed a hand on her chest, “what, I can't meet my best friend?! Oh, how time has changed you!”

Magnus threw a paper ball at her, laughing. “How dare you accuse me of such a thing!”

Izzy laughed as she placed her palms on the table before him and peered down at him. All of a sudden she dropped her joyous expression and became solemn, “I've got news.”

Mangus frowned slightly at her, “What is it?”

Izzy bit her lower lip nervously and took a deep breath then placed her left hand before him. Magnus lowered his head to look at her hand when he saw.. A RING!

“Holy fuckk!” Magnus got up and rushed around his desk to hug her, “when?”

“Yesterday evening”

“Wow, I didn’t think Sheldon had it in him..”

Izzy rolled her eyes fondly, “He’s not even here right now, Magnus. You can call him Simon.”

“And what if it becomes a habit and I start calling him Simon in front of him? What will happen to my mystique persona then, huh?”

Izzy shook her, smiling as she took him by the arm towards the couch to narrate to him the entire story in explicit detail, how Simon had planned a lovely dinner, then taken her out to the park for a romantic walk and ahhh proposed to her!!

Magnus had the perfect OwO face by the time she had finished her narration.

“So..” Izzy looked at him with a twinkle in her eyes.

“So what?”

“Will you be my man of honour?”

Magnus gasped, “oh I would love to be!”

“Yes! The wedding’s gonna be in a month, so be prepared to take leave from your boring work.”

“Hey! Lemme tell you my work is _not_ boring.”

“Really?” Izzy raised her perfectly tweezed eyebrow.

“Okay, maybe it’s a _bit_ boring if you compare it to designing and making clothes...but it’s important.”

“Well..”

Magnus rolled his eyes, he had this particular conversation with her far too many times. How he shouldn’t be up here doing stupid managing and get his hands working, design- ‘make fashion’ as she liked to put it. He had never told anyone why he had sworn off designing, and for good reason. He doesn’t need Izzy to remind him of what he was losing, he is well aware of it and maybe this is him atoning for his sins.

“It doesn't matter, I’m sure Ragnor can manage a few weeks without me”

“Have you even used a single of your paid leaves in the past 5 years?”

What was Izzy trying to do? Why is she trying to drag his past life into this? She first pointed out how he’s stuck doing a work he never liked and sacrificed his dream of a fashion designer _and_ mentioned the ‘what must not be said’- “5 years”. _The cursed number!_

Magnus blinked.

“He told you.” Magnus looked at his hands, not willing to look her in the eye.

“I don’t know, Who’s ‘he’?”

Why is this conversation taking this turn?! They were supposed to be talking about _her and her wedding_ , not him. Magnus took a deep breath and gathered up the courage to face Alec’s sister.

“You know who. Alec.”

“Since when do you call him Alec?”

Yup, Izzy is definitely demoted to his third favourite lightwood, the second place now goes to Max. _Who’s the first, Magnus?_

“What did he tell you?”

Alec hadn’t told her much, not that there was much to say..but it made him feel guilty.

When they had broken up, Magnus had avoided all the lightwoods then Izzy had turned up on his doorstep. He was quite surprised to find out Alec hadn’t told others the reason for their break up, Alec didn’t want the others to cut their ties with Magnus and had kept all a secret. Magnus had cried that night. He couldn’t believe how Alec still cared enough about him to see to it that Magnus didn’t lose the only family he had, even when he was hurting at _his_ hands.

At that moment he had wanted nothing more than to go and apologise to Alec, to beg for another chance and atone for what he had said, but Magnus couldn’t. He was scared, he was ashamed, so he did what he always did with his feelings- hid them. Sometimes it’s easier to squash that small righteous voice in your head and turn a blind eye at things, sadly, he didn’t know it back then that easy is not the way of life. And by the time he realised it, it was far too late.

Magnus was quiet as Izzy stared into his soul. What can he do now? He can’t go and say sorry and expect everything to go back to normal.

“At least talk to him.”

“And say what, exactly?! I- I broke us up, he hates me!”

“Magnus-”

“No, listen to me, okay? You wanted to know what had happened that night, right? I’ll tell you. I broke us- I. Broke. Him. It’s my fault, whatever happened, _I_ am to blame for it.” He took a sharp breath, urging the tears back.

“Mag-”

“I was so self-absorbed, so fucking ecstatic at my success, which months of hard work had paid me, that I lost sight of what was most important. I didn’t even see that-that while I was rejoicing, Alec was _sad_. I’m such a bad person.”

Magnus lost the battle against tears. He hid his face in his hands as he cried, Izzy pulled him close and held him while he cried.

“Magnus-”

“It’s okay if you too never want to see me again, I-”

“MAGNUS,” Izzy cut him off. “Look, I Don't believe that you're a bad person, okay? I know my friend and I refuse to believe that he will intentionally hurt anyone he loves.”

Magnus sniffed, “you don't know what happened that night.”

“I don't. But I know there’s more to the story. So here's what we're going to do, you're going to talk to Alec.”

“I'm sure he doesn't want to talk to me.”

“That's something you've got to figure out for yourself. He was your friend first, don't forget that. Besides, have you listened to his latest album? You’ll find your answers there.”

His album?

“And don't put it off this time.” With that Izzy got up to leave.

Silence settled after she had left, the kind of silence that drowned you, that compelled you to listen to your thoughts and _think_. Magnus released a long-drawn sigh and looked up as if waiting for heavenly intervention.

“How do you make someone believe that you hadn’t meant a single word you said?”

He opened his emails, time to ask for the leave he should have taken 5 years ago.

“Coming!” Magnus called out, he made a perfect work of his eyeliner and went to get the door. He had decided to take Izzy’s advice, so here he was getting ready for Alec’s concert.

“Uncle Magnus!” Madzie exclaimed when he opened the door, “this is so exciting! We’re going to meet Alec again!”

Magnus laughed, “Yes, darling we are and-”

“Magnus,” Catarina interrupted. “Your liner’s a mess, come here.”

“What! My eyeliner is never a mess-” Cat took his arm and pulled him to his bedroom.

Cat rolled her eyes when they were out of earshot of Madzie, who was anyway on her phone, who does she keep texting to?

“I'm so sorry, Magnus. I really didn’t know it was going to be Alec. Madzie’s friend got the tickets and she just told me they were going to some concert, and they have been to a lot of small concerts together. I'm really sorry.”

“Cat, as I told you on the phone, I don't blame you, this was bound to happen someday given our friend circle.”

“Are you sure you want to go there?”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t have said so if I weren’t. And it’s time I spoke to Alexan- Alec.”

Cat didn’t point out his slip and just nodded, “who knocked some sense in you?”

“Why is it so difficult to believe that I came up with this idea?”

Cat smirked and quirked an eyebrow, “Pray tell who was it that confessed that they were pining after the other and took the leap?”

“I was nervous, okay? I couldn’t bring myself to ask him out. And Alec was always brave and straight forward, I can't put my heart out there for it to be squashed.”

“Oh please, the poor boy used to get so flustered around you before you two became friends, and then it became heart eyes! We all had our bets that you would be the one to ask him out, then Alec did...and Jace won the bet.”

Magnus had his shit-eating grin on, “20 bucks, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, you ass.” Cat hit him on his chest as he howled with laughter.

Nervousness thrummed under his skin as Magnus made his way to the VIP area along with Madzie. His phone buzzed.

[ Izzy ] Where are you?

[ Izzy ] Don't tell me you’re chickening out, I’ll kill you.

[ Magnus ] On my way

“I’ve never been to such a large concert, have you?” Madzie wondered out loud.

[ Izzy ] good, we’ve got you guys special seats.

“Hmm, I’ve been to some,” Magnus said quietly as he pocketed his phone and concentrated on avoiding crashing into someone.

They had adopted Madzie when she was barely 10, she hadn’t known Magnus when he was drunk on love. Oh, how surprised she will be to find out that Alec is Izzy’s brother and that every adult in her life knows Alec _personally_. _Too much of work,_ he chose to keep that conversation for Cat.

They hadn’t wanted more drama in the little girl’s so they had unknowingly kept Alec’s identity hidden, not that they had a lot of hiding to do.. Madzie was very shy and reserved when she was new into the family and barely spoke to anyone, she rarely spoke so naturally Alec never came up. When she had opened up to him and Izzy and then the others, they just didn’t want the poor kid to follow ridiculous guidelines of not mentioning one in front of the other.

When they were on their way to the VIP area, a voice called Magnus, he turned to find Jace jogging up to them and giving Madzie a high five. “Magnus, glad you’re here.”

He gave Jace a look which said a thousand words, he was no stranger to their situation, Jace nodded in encouragement.

“VIP tickets?”

“Yes!” Madzie exclaimed, “we met Alec Lightwood!”

“Hmm, now what will I do with my surprise?”

Well, at least Jace’s childish behaviour is something that made him and Madzie bond. He held out his hand for Madzie and gave her a wide conspiratorial grin as he led them towards the curtained entrance he’d come from. _This is not going to go well,_ Magnus’s brain said, _oh stop being so pessimistic!_

Jace led them through a series of doors and then into an open space just beside the stage where everyone seemed to be running around shouting orders.

“Jace! Did you see Simo- hey, no outsiders here.” A voice shouted. Alec came into their view, his brow creased.

“What are-” he finally noticed Magnus, a mixture of confusion, shock and a little something he didn't recognize crossed Alec’s face. “Mag-” Alec cleared his throat, “uh... Madzie, wasn’t it?”

“He remembers my name” Madzie whispered in a daze.

Alec laughed softly, “yes, you see I’m very good with names.” What bullshit, Alec was worse than _him_ when it came to names. Magnus would assume he remembers Madzie either cause she was with him in the meet or, well, she _is_ Catarina’s daughter and Cat must have mentioned her some time.

“Alec!” It was Simon, “What are you doing? You're up in 10, hurry!”

Magnus stood rooted to the spot as Alec rushed inside. _Look at him, he didn’t even want to say your name,_ his brain sneered at him. _SHUT UP._

“Magnus, you alright?” Jace raised an eyebrow.

No. “Yeah.” He shouldn’t have come here. “Completely fine.”

They were soon joined by Izzy, Clary and Max and Magnus could _hear_ Madzie thinking, she was probably trying to figure out how everyone was not only attending the concert but had a weird familiarity to everything going on around them.

Magnus decided to take pity on her, “we’ll explain everything later, for now, just know that Alec is Izzy’s elder brother.”

Madzie seemed even more confused at that, okay maybe it didn’t help to spring that upon her. “Is this where you say you're spiderman?”

“I knew Sheldon shouldn’t be allowed near kids”

Magnus shouldn’t be feeling this skittish, he rubbed his thumb over his ring yet again, _there’s still time to run,_ NOT HELPING BRAIN! He released a deep breath and ran over what he was going to say to Alec, he’s been practising it since he decided he’d come down here. But he had foolishly held onto the possibility that he’d not be able to meet Alec, he should have known Izzy by now, she had seen to it that he couldn’t use lame excuses like ‘they weren’t allowing me inside to meet him’ to get out of this. Then again, he didn’t really want to get out if this, he has spent long enough without his friend.

The crowd shrieked as the lights dimmed, marking Alec’s arrival. How can they even scream this loud!? He doubted he’d be able to hear anything after the show. Magnus saw as the crew ran past him to make sure everything was perfect, he heard a “one” and then the stage lit up.

He heard the others gasp and talk in appreciation, but Magnus? He only had eyes for his Alexander. Alec owned the stage, it was his realm, he interacted with the crowd and sometimes joined in with the dancers and strangely, Magnus was reminded of the boy who felt awkward while dancing. Alec used to dance with broken steps and Magnus used to teach him basic moves so that they could dance to his songs. What a long way Alec had come.

Magnus had a smile on his face as he watched the world obey Alec, He was entranced, he’d always expected himself to be there on Alec’s first-ever show and this? This is beyond what Magnus could have ever imagined.

Magnus felt Alec look at him from the stage. _Wait, the lights must be blinding him, it would be impossible for Alec to see him._ Nevertheless, Alec looked like he could see Magnus- see through him and read his soul.

“My last song for tonight,” Alec looked at the crowd. “Is one of the few I'm really proud about, it’s my favourite from this album.”

The people roared their approval, and Alec waited for them to quieten down.

“It’s pretty rare to have my inspiration for a song amongst the crowd, and today is one of those rare days.”

Alec was breathing a bit heavily from all the dancing, he smiled his characteristic teasing grin, “can you guess which one it is?”

Alec extended his arm to face the mic towards the audience as the crowd chanted ‘follow your fire’ ‘follow your fire’ ‘follow your fire’.

Alec bobbed his head to their rhythm and waited a breath before making eye contact with Magnus. Maybe he _can_ see him. “Right you are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know I promised more content...BUT IN MY DEFENCE IT WAS GETTING OUT OF HAND. so I decided to divide it. I'm also sorry for leaving you hanging, I'll be putting up the next chp soon...probably.


	4. Follow your fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus talks to Alec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update! I was not in a mood to write...  
> Don't hate on my poor baby Magnus, he made mistakes :( mistakes he wants to rectify.
> 
> the song I listened to while writing this was "Follow your fire" by kodaline.

Follow your fire. This was the song that had broken all records, reigning no. 10 on the billboards top 100 for 2 continuous weeks. But Magnus was known for his stubbornness, in the past 2 days he had listened to all of Alec’s songs, all, except this one.

He knew the title far too well for it.

_“Alec, come on. Look at me, love.” Magnus cupped Alec’s cheek, turning his face towards him. Alec sniffed, eyes red-rimmed. He had been crying._

_“I think he’s right.”_

_“Who, Robert?”_

_Alec was quiet, his eyes downcast. Magnus moved to sit beside him, legs dangling off the deck which overlooked the lake. Magnus had known he’d find Alec at Gramp’s lake house, he always came here when he was sad._

_“The water calms me” Alec had said when he had asked, but Magnus knew better; it was not the water that calmed him, it was the memories- the thousands of memories that were etched into the walls of the house. Some of his life’s most joyous moments had been in this house, it reminded him that no matter what he will be happy again. Since then the lake house had been their place, their world, which was home to nothing but love._

_So it was, but obvious that Magnus would find Alec here today._

_“I know he’s speaking from a place of love,” Alec cleared his throat. “But I’m confused, and- and what if he’s right, what if music isn’t my thing...it’s just a hobby? What if I’m messing my future up by making this decision?”_

_Magnus had never been the type to motivate someone, that was Alec’s charm. And what do you do when the universal motivator requires motivation?_

_Magnus spoke softly, “and what would you do, what’s the alternative to music?”_

_Alec heaved a heavy sigh, “study business? Inherit the company from dad?”_

_“Do you don’t sound very sure.”_

_Alec turned to Magnus and laid his head on his chest, “I don’t know what I’d do! I just don’t. I don’t think I’m good enough for music and the other options don’t appeal to me.”_

_“Darling,” Magnus caressed his back. “Firstly, we’re gonna disagree. You are an amazing singer. And secondly, I think you’ve answered yourself.”_

_“Magn-”_

_“Shh, I’m not done speaking. Suppose you take up business studies, go to uni, take over the company, etc., etc. What after it? Can you live without music, without your heart, your soul?”_

_“I could make music in my free time?”_

_“Hmm, you could. But is that what you want for your music? Buried under a ‘I’m tired, maybe later’, coming second to menial tasks you would not spare a glance otherwise?” Magnus pulled out of the embrace, facing Alec, “the Alec Lightwood I know always puts his music first, are you willing to change yourself to that extent?”_

_“No”_

_“Do you think you can live without regret if you make that choice? Accept and be happy that you didn’t follow your heart? Your soul- your fire?”_

_“I can’t”_

_“Darling, whatever choice you make, I'll always be by your side. I’ll support you and fend off anyone who dare try to question you. But love, how can I do it if that person is you? Tell me you won’t curse you past-self for not following your-”_

_“Fire?”_

_Magnus smiled, it was so very Alec to pick up the poetic lines from conversations. “Yes, fire. Do you not want to follow your fire?”_

_“I do.”_

A hand on his shoulder jerked Magnus to reality, Izzy was looking at him with concern, she pulled him away from the crowd. “Are you alright?”

“The curse of having a good memory.” He said, eyes drifting back to Alec, who was moving with the song.

_|| Did you follow your, follow your fire? ||_

“It’s funny, you know?” Magnus wondered out loud.

“What is?”

“A million years ago, it was me who said these words to him. ‘Follow your fire’ I had told him to follow his dreams, and that I’ll be there and support him and his choices.”

“And you didn’t heed your own preaching?”

“It is a good divine that follows his own instructions.” Magnus looked at Izzy, a sad smile on his lips, “I even failed to keep my one promise to him.”

Magnus closed his eyes. Alec’s voice pierced through his armour, breaking down the walls of indifference he had put up and pulled at his heart.

_|| We promised that we'd never part. On a tree, under the stars_

_We carved our names into the bark. To be there when we're not ||_

So this is what Izzy had meant when she told him to listen to Alec’s album. His songs spoke of a lost love, a love so precious that it changes your entire existence and makes you feel whole, his songs spoke of Magnus.

Of memories so treasured you’d give your last breath to remember them one last time, and Magnus remembers them far too vividly. These same memories had haunted him for five long years. No matter how hard Magnus had tried to move on, to lock the emotions and memories away, they spilt out, choking him, reminding him. And Alec _singing_ about them only threatened to break the dam.

“Magnus,” Izzy had a strange look on her face. “You’re not doing this because of the wedding, are you?”

“No, I’m doing this for me, for Alec. For _us._ I know I've denied it for the longest time, but I need closure. I didn’t just lose my boyfriend that day, I lost my best friend, my support, my future. I’m not delusional, I know Alec is angry and hurt and the very least, I owe him an apology.” He huffed out a laugh, “I owed him an apology the moment those words had left my mouth.”

The song had ended. Alec was saying something to the audience and thanking everyone. Magnus inhaled sharply, he had to speak to Alec. Magnus flexed his fingers, they had gone numb with anxiety, tied between his urge to finally meet Alec and the dread of facing the consequences of his actions at his hands.

The crowd cheered loudly as Alec said his goodbyes and went backstage.

Madzie bounded back to him, a wide grin splitting her face. “It was so amazing!” she almost screamed, then turned to Izzy, “he’s really your brother, why am I only getting to know this now!?”

“Madzie,” Magnus said.

“I know, I know,” she rolled her eyes, which was in a splitting image of Magnus. _Oh, so this is why Cat had told him not to roll his eyes in front of them_. “All in good time.”

“Yes, now. Your darling aunt Izzy here will take you back home, I have some business to attend to.”

“Okay, cool.” Madzie looked at Izzy imploringly, “do I get ice cream?”

Izzy smiled conspiratorially. “Just ice cream? I was planning big.”

“Okay. Bye, uncle Magnus!” She said abruptly, clearly interested in the ‘planning big’ as Izzy took her where the others were standing.

Magnus heard Madzie whisper “Why do I feel like the business is a certain someone?” to Izzy who half turned to him and gave a thumbs up.

He’s gonna need all the luck in the world and much more for this encounter. Magnus breathed out and made his way through the stage setups to find Alec’s dressing room. Izzy had already instructed Alec’s security that Magnus would be meeting Alec, so they let him pass without any questions asked.

Magnus stood before a closed door, it was labelled ‘Alec Lightwood’. _There’s still a chance to turn away, Magnus. You don't have to do this._ I do. He bit his lips and knocked before his mind came up with an elaborate reason as to why he shouldn’t do it.

“Go away Simon.” Alec’s exasperated voice shouted from the other side.

Magnus stood there, the momentary confusion of what he should say making him forget about his panic. Should he just go in? No. knock, no need to get on his bad side already, well anymore.

Magnus held his breath and knocked again, he heard rustling noises before the door was wrenched open.

“I told you I’m not talking to Ma-” Alec stopped midway. He wasn’t wearing his shirt. Oh fuck.

Magnus gulped, shit, mission abort. He was not ready for this. Shit, shit.

Alec tilted his head, squinting his eye. “What are you doing here?” His voice had a harness Magnus didn’t think Alec was capable of.

Magnus sucked in a stuttering breath, opening his mouth to speak, but no words came out.

Alec quirked an eyebrow, “I haven’t got all day.”

 _Wow Alec, don’t hold with the sass._ Magnus met his eye and spoke through the lump in his throat. “Can we talk?”

“Isn’t it late?” He wasn’t talking about the late hour.

“Please?” Magnus asked softly, half of him wanted Alec to say no, running away always seems like the better option. Until you can’t run anymore.

Alec contemplated for a while, then closed his eyes and moved to the side to let Magnus in. _Well, this was more progress than he’d expected to make._

Magnus stood in the middle of the room and looked around trying to fixate his mind on things that were not Alec’s half-naked _oh, so delicious_ body. Alec clicked the door shut and crossed him to occupy the only chair in the room. He had changed into a black T-shirt, in another universe Magnus would have made a joke about how Alec shouldn’t get dressed on his account, but that would only make things more awkward here. And Magnus hated that fact.

Alec looked at him for a few moments, he wet his lips with the tongue. “Well? You said you wanted to talk.”

“Yeah, I-I uh I don’t know where to begin.”

Alec raised his eyebrow, “I’d say take your time, but I won’t mean it,”

Magnus gave a dry chuckle. “How are you, Alexander?”

“Alec.”

Yes, of course. Magnus tried to mask the pain that single word caused him.

“I'm fine. You came here to ask me that?”

“No. I-I came here to apologise.”

“What for?”

Magnus had never had such a dry conversation, not even with his rivals. It felt like Alec was purposefully trying to make it difficult for him and he couldn’t blame him for it either. He deserves it. “You know why, for whatever happened that night-”

Alec barked out a laugh, “I’m sorry, was I not supposed to laugh? I thought it was a joke.”

“Alec, please. I know a sorry doesn’t cut it, but-”

“Oh please, you can keep your sorry. You wouldn’t even be here if Izzy wasn’t getting married to Simon. You came here because _she_ asked you so that her man of honour and brother aren’t at each other’s throat during the one week that’s so very important to her.”

“I’m here because I’m tired of living a life without my best friend in it.”

Alec rolled his eyes, “If I mattered so much to you, you wouldn’t have waited so long.”

“I was afraid.” Magnus bit his lip, “afraid that you wouldn’t forgive me.”

“Wait, wait. Let me get this straight, you were _afraid_ that I wouldn't forgive you so you chose to let me go forever.”

Magnus let out a frustrated groan. “No, it’s not like that! You don't understand.”

“Well then explain.”

“See, I was under a lot of pressure that day. And then I got the news of my promotion, I was happy and I couldn’t have denied the boss when he asked me to join him for dinner so I got late to our dinner-”

“I already know this.”

“Yes! The thing is, I was happy but you were not and-and even when I told you of my promotion, you weren't happy- and it’s not your fault. I got defensive- I swear I hadn’t meant anything I had said that night-”

Alec released a boring sigh as he got up to leave. Magnus caught his arm in haste to stop him from leaving.

“Alexander,” his voice broke. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the pain I caused you. I’m sorry for all the sleepless nights, for all the hurt, all the insecurities. I’m sorry for not keeping my promises, for not being beside you when you needed me most. I’m sorry for putting you second to my work. I’m sorry for everything. I’m so sorry. So sorry.”

Alec was breathing slow, his eyes closed. The dressing room echoed with Magnus’s words.

“I'm sorry” Magnus whispered.

Alec didn’t open his eyes. “I waited for you, for three years. I waited to hear those words. For. Three. Years.”

Alec's eyes met Magnus’s, he brought his hand up to where Magnus was still holding him and yanked Magnus’s hand off him, “and that is when I realised that...maybe I did mean a lot to you, but it wasn’t enough.”

“No, Alexander. That’s not true-”

“Well, you never did prove otherwise.”

“I was foolish, my head filled with ego and pride at accomplishing something. Please, no. You meant everything to me, I just realised that a bit too late, pleas-”

“Magnus.”

It was the first time Alec had called him by his name. Oh what he had missed, all for his stupid ego. Magnus shut his eyes, preparing his heart for another blow.

Alec clasped his hand, entangling their fingers. “We are not strangers, neither are we enemies. We are worse, we were lovers who’ve become strangers.”

Mangus felt his heart throb with pain. The room was quiet, save for the sounds of their breathing. Alec's hand felt like a brand on his skin, the kind that makes you _ache_ , like cold soothing water quenching the thirst of a dry parched throat.

Alec released his breath, he dropped Magnus’s hand. “And we don’t have to be anything more. We just have to act civil during the one week of wedding ceremonies and preparations at the lake house, and we’ll go back to the way we were. Just how you wished.”

I don’t want that. “Can’t we be friend-”

Alec laughed bitterly, “That ship sailed. Besides, I doubt you’d want that.”

I do want that. I want that so much. “Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! Kudos and comments are always welcome!


End file.
